You get to a stage in life, some call it adulthood, when you decide it is time to get your own abode.
I have reached this time in life.
I had my first flat viewing and I was raring to go. Me and Kathryn, the other abode sharer, were waiting outside the promise land. A two bedroom flat in Edinburgh. It was perfect. I could see myself staggering upstairs at night mentally calculating how much time I had to phone dominoes and what this would mean for the rest of the week financely.
I thought I was prepared, I was wrong. I was waiting outside the flat at quarter to 2. We were the first people there. Good sign. I got anxious about the competition. Everyone that approached was competition. I glared them down, subtly letting them know there was no time for small chat.
One man joined the group, he tried to engage in small talk, Kathryn decided to entertain him with his request. I gave Kathryn ‘the evils’. She had to know it was business from here on out.
A couple approached, I later found their names were Craig and Sarah. We will get back to them. They are vital in my story. Soon there was a sma crowd. I was starting to get nervous. There was more competition than anticipated.
Soon a woman approached, jingling the keys. She was too lax and happy. Surely she must have known the stress that was building. The tension thick amongst the group. We all knew no one was here to make friends. As we climbed the stairs, I got my game face on. Craig and Sarah looked relaxed, they were out main competitors.
We were inside the flat. Craig and Sarah had left early. I had excluded them from the competition. I was naive. I rushed around the bedrooms. Ripped the forms from the woman and bolted from the flat. This was my flat. I felt confident as I flew down the stairs hastily dialling the estate agents number.
After shouting down the phone to a surprised woman that I was ‘ON MY WAY’ I felt relaxed. I thought I had this in the bag. I phoned the taxi when I received a phone call. The estate agent to tell me someone had out down the deposit over the phone. I knew it was Craig and Sarah. I could see it in their eyes. The knew I was a newbie to this. I could picture them sitting in the flat sipping champagne while mocking me. I wished an evil fate among them. May all their wine turn to water. I was in full vengeance mode.
This experience was repeated. I phoned the taxi company requesting two taxis. One for me to the estate agents and one for Kathryn to the bank. However, at this exact moment, this man on the phone decided his job of telling a taxi to go to point A to point B was an extravagant event which required extreme detail. When I told him I needed two taxis I could practically see his fall into despair. I was on the phone to him for 6 minutes and 29 seconds. I then wished for a plague of locusts on him. Full bible mode was upon me. After the taxis were finally arranged. I got another call. The estate agent to tell my a ‘young gentleman’ had taken my flat. That man is no ‘young gentleman’. He is nothing but a snake. A slippery, slimy, flat stealing snake. I hope he tempts someone to take the swedge of knowledge and gets kicked out the flat of Eden (the meadows, who cares).
Well now I’m flatless but prepared. I have arranged flat viewings over a period of two days. I have acquired my own taxi , my mother, to get us quickly to point A to point B and never underestimate the Craig’s and Sarah’s of the world. They are the true evil.