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TITP survival guide

This is my 3rd year in a row going to TITP. So will I be more prepared as a journalist student at the age of 20 than I was as a fresh ex-high school student just turned 18?

Well I packed my bag the night before leaving so I’m going to say no. However, my bag is extremely heavier than it was two years ago which suggests my drinking habits have increased with my age. I probably won’t address the problem until the age of 25 when I’m found under a lamppost claiming aliens took the dregs of my tesco’s finest vino.

Anyway … TITP isn’t about being prepared. Sometimes not being prepared is more fun.

This is just my tips that I’ve learned over the years.

The first year I went to TITP I had no clue what to expect. I’d never been to a festival before and it was my 18th birthday.

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Here I am on my 18th birthday! I’m the one wearing a sash. At this point I hadn’t learned the tip sneak drink in! It is £6 for one cocktail in an itty bitty glass. I searched but I couldn’t find the gold lacing on the plastic cup. My best tip is get a plastic flask. One with a clip! This is vital. Fill it with the strongest drink you have. The drunker you get the less the paint stripper after taste disgusts you. Clip under your top to your bra and saunter through the checks like the sassy bitch you are. I have no tips for males. I apologise. It’s a gender requires kinda tip.

Also if it rains you will get muddy! Unless the weather god is your personal servant and protects you, you’re perfect hair, make up, clothes etc are fucked. Excuse the french.

I swanned out of the refresh tent like a clean goddess. My inner iggie azealia judging all the muddy peasants. Until someone I can only describe as a deviant kicked mud at me. I was shocked! My inner iggy floated away and subo took her place. Embrace the mud. I don’t mean roll around in it, which I have seen people do, but if you get mud on your clothes channel bear grylls or get smashed. Both work.

Getting on someone’s shoulder is not as fun as it seems. Especially if they’re 6ft tall and smashed and when you ask to get down the practically choke slam you down.

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This would’ve been an amazing photo if that bitch hadn’t done this. She’s looking at me as she does this. She knows she’s stolen my golden photo. Not everyone appreciated your sassy-ness. However, it is fun watching people tumble off of drunken people’s shoulders. If you look closely you can see the regret on their face at they fall from the 7ft tall giant they’re  crouched upon.

The best thing to do is make sure you’re going with amazing friends. Some of best ever memories is at TITP. For example, my friend destroying another friends tent over the mystery of the lost lucozade while screaming ‘It’s not about the lucozade it’s about the sharing!’

Or going on the waterlogs have cut singing along to snoop dog.

Or assembling half of Manchester to build your tent as you realise a 6 man tent is not as easy to assemble as a 2 man.

Or one of your friends being preyed on by and older drunk male. This may not sound funny but we made up a song about to that makes it okay.

And just get wrecked.

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This may not be the best photo of me but look at my teeth! It’s like a Colgate advert for emos.

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