Tag Archives: parents

The series of unfortunate events when moving back home



Moving out on your own is terrifying. You’ve never been on your own before, you’re overwhelmed and scared. However, fast forward a year you had a great time, life’s grand etc. Then you move back ‘home’. This is the really scary part. 

You no longer live by your own rules but the rules you were living by a year ago. The transition from independence to pulling out your hair happens in a matter of minutes. You wake up in the morning to an aggravated mother listing a never ending amount of stuff for you to do that day. ‘No. Sleep’ is never an acceptable answer. I learned this as a laundry basket was hurled at my head with a force Arnold Shwarzenegger would envy. 

Coming home from nights out has went from collapsing in bed to avoiding as many obstacles set up before smashing head first into something and waking up the entire house. No one cares about the fact you realised if you mix baileys and tia maria you have a perfect cocktail at half three in the morning. 

‘Do you have a job yet?’ This will happen before you enter the abode and are ganged up on in a car with no escape. However, the asphalt of a motorway does look tempting half way into the conversation. 

Predrinks at your house is no longer an option. After the first awkward experience of everyone crowding around a speaker trying to block the sound from reaching the Emmerdale theme tune in the living room you just meet people outside. 

Your physical appearance will get picked apart until your asking Joan Rivers for her surgeon’s number. My mother lost three stone while I was away, during this time she turned into Gillian McKeith, minus the toilet invading. I came home to a list of exercises and a diet plan. I read them while munching on cake. 

When you get into an argument with your mum or dad you turn back into a 14 year old. Instead of using the witty reply that exuded maturity you scream ‘I wish I never came home!’ Then storm to your room, sit on the bed for an hour and then wonder about like Smeagle trying not to get in anyone’s line of vision.

So don’t be nervous about moving out be nervous about coming back. 

On the plus side I don’t have to pay rent.