Tag Archives: scotland

TITP survival guide

This is my 3rd year in a row going to TITP. So will I be more prepared as a journalist student at the age of 20 than I was as a fresh ex-high school student just turned 18?

Well I packed my bag the night before leaving so I’m going to say no. However, my bag is extremely heavier than it was two years ago which suggests my drinking habits have increased with my age. I probably won’t address the problem until the age of 25 when I’m found under a lamppost claiming aliens took the dregs of my tesco’s finest vino.

Anyway … TITP isn’t about being prepared. Sometimes not being prepared is more fun.

This is just my tips that I’ve learned over the years.

The first year I went to TITP I had no clue what to expect. I’d never been to a festival before and it was my 18th birthday.

image

Here I am on my 18th birthday! I’m the one wearing a sash. At this point I hadn’t learned the tip sneak drink in! It is £6 for one cocktail in an itty bitty glass. I searched but I couldn’t find the gold lacing on the plastic cup. My best tip is get a plastic flask. One with a clip! This is vital. Fill it with the strongest drink you have. The drunker you get the less the paint stripper after taste disgusts you. Clip under your top to your bra and saunter through the checks like the sassy bitch you are. I have no tips for males. I apologise. It’s a gender requires kinda tip.

Also if it rains you will get muddy! Unless the weather god is your personal servant and protects you, you’re perfect hair, make up, clothes etc are fucked. Excuse the french.

I swanned out of the refresh tent like a clean goddess. My inner iggie azealia judging all the muddy peasants. Until someone I can only describe as a deviant kicked mud at me. I was shocked! My inner iggy floated away and subo took her place. Embrace the mud. I don’t mean roll around in it, which I have seen people do, but if you get mud on your clothes channel bear grylls or get smashed. Both work.

Getting on someone’s shoulder is not as fun as it seems. Especially if they’re 6ft tall and smashed and when you ask to get down the practically choke slam you down.

image

This would’ve been an amazing photo if that bitch hadn’t done this. She’s looking at me as she does this. She knows she’s stolen my golden photo. Not everyone appreciated your sassy-ness. However, it is fun watching people tumble off of drunken people’s shoulders. If you look closely you can see the regret on their face at they fall from the 7ft tall giant they’re  crouched upon.

The best thing to do is make sure you’re going with amazing friends. Some of best ever memories is at TITP. For example, my friend destroying another friends tent over the mystery of the lost lucozade while screaming ‘It’s not about the lucozade it’s about the sharing!’

Or going on the waterlogs have cut singing along to snoop dog.

Or assembling half of Manchester to build your tent as you realise a 6 man tent is not as easy to assemble as a 2 man.

Or one of your friends being preyed on by and older drunk male. This may not sound funny but we made up a song about to that makes it okay.

And just get wrecked.

image

 

This may not be the best photo of me but look at my teeth! It’s like a Colgate advert for emos.

image

image

 

Advertisements

Stupid is as stupid does

We’ve been told to blog about things outside our comfort zone and to be honest one of the things I wouldn’t be comfortable blogging about is my own stupidity.

I like to think of myself as a smart educated being but then I say something and everyone wonders if I’m the missing link.

So here’s my top five quotes of upper stupidity from 2013-2014. Enjoy and as a disclaimer I did make it through highschool and get into university.

1. When me and my friends Stuart braved the cold, scottish weather to the cash machine to check my bank balance I said:

‘That could have went one way or another and to be honest it kinda of went in between.’

At the start of university, surrounded by fellow students that I would spend the next four years with and potential friends we were asked what type of stories we liked in journalism. While educated and clever answers begin to be told I got more and more nervous and when it got to my turn I said:

‘I really like my brothers my dad kind of stories.’

Then sat down and watched as all my potential friends distanced themselves from the weird inbred girl.

3. When a scottish DJ called George Bowie was performing at a local nightclub I turned to everyone said:

‘Hmm, I don’t really know that George Bowie the only thing I’ve seen him in is the labyrinth.’

4. When telling my aunt about my latest love life, or lack of one, I told her about a boy I met and when she asked me about him I said:

‘I think he’s rich. He’s had laser eye surgery.’

5. When me and my friends were alking about random stuff I said:

‘I don’t like masochists. I find it really awkward when they touch you.’

I meant massages.

So basically this is why on a daily basis I can be ridiculed. You may or may not find this interesting. Some people do some people don’t but this is my very boring, occasionally awkward life